The cure for fear’s greatest weapon

May 5, 2010 by David Crandall | 15 Comments

Insomnia

Losing sleep over fears of "what if"? (source: Alyssa L. Miller)

Read time: 4-5 minutes (This is the final post in a mini-series about Beliefs and Fears.)

What if?

Let’s get right to it. I believe that fear’s greatest weapon is the question “what if”. No matter the reality of a situation, we can always use our creativity to muster up something way worse.

Don’t get me wrong. I agree that fear can be rational. It can be a good thing. It has kept us alive thus far, right?

But fear can also be entirely irrational. It can keep us from good things. And it can keep us from truly living too.

The best way for fear to really hinder us is to get us thinking about every conceivable situation. Not every possible situation, but every situation that we can come up with in our minds. This is where the question of “what if” becomes so dangerous.

Things I fear

Here are some “what if” questions that I’ve been confronted with just recently:

  • What if I tell my spouse I want to change our lifestyle?
  • What if she agrees?
  • What if we make plans and put dates to them?
  • What if we start acting on those plans?
  • What if everyone we know thinks we’re crazy?
  • What if we ARE crazy?

What if?

Do you find yourself paralyzed by these types of questions? Do you fight insomnia as your mind fills up with hundreds of what if’s? Do you do even worse and try and distract yourself entirely from even thinking about these things?

We need a cure!

The cure for fear

In my last post, I said that we needed a cure for fear. If fear’s most deadly weapon is the uncertainty of “what if”, then the cure must be to respond to that question with certainty.

Remove the “what if” and fear begins to wither. If you are afraid of the uncertainty of a situation, action is the best solution. Action removes the uncertainty; the outcome is no longer hypothetical.

Action reinforcing belief

In my first post in this series, I stated that our core beliefs are dictated by our actions. But I think the opposite is true too. Action gives us the evidence necessary to adjust our core beliefs.

As I begin to profess my beliefs and my fears lose their grip, I find myself slightly more willing to act on things that scared me before. As I act on those things that scared me, I am no longer afraid of the what-if’s. That doesn’t mean that I’m succeeding each time, just that I no longer have to wonder what the outcome will be.

I know exactly what will happen because, well, it happened.

In this way, my actions have helped to strengthen my beliefs. Where they may have been weak before knowing that there was uncertainty, now they are strengthened through the experience of pushing through my fears.

Kill your fear: Act now!

I have been talking to Josh Crocker (www.joshcrocker.com) for literally months about how I want to move away from the template lifestyle. A few weeks back I told him that I couldn’t wait to get to the point of putting dates to some of my plans.

His response? Do it now.

My mind quickly began to fill up with fear:

  • What if I put dates to my plans and I fail?
  • What if my wife thinks I’m crazy? (Fortunately, my wife already knows I’m a bit crazy…and married me anyways.)
  • What if I miss those dates?
  • What if people find out I’m doing this?

When I realized I was becoming overwhelmed with the what if’s, I looked for something else. I found a greater ‘what if’ that scared me even more than the ones I was having…

What if I never act on any of this?

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and have to wonder how things could have been different. I don’t want to look back and regret how much I missed because I was scared to try something. Looking back and seeing times where I failed, I know from experience that doesn’t scare me. Looking back and seeing times where I didn’t even try…that scares the hell out of me.

So I put dates to my plans and showed them to my wife. She didn’t think I was crazy. In fact, we’ve started acting on those plans.

My next few posts will serve to let you know about some of those plans and why I even started this blog. To some degree, this blog will serve to chronicle a lot of the plans we are making and executing.

But I’d also like for it to be a place where you chronicle yours too.

You probably already know what I’m going to ask, but I’d love to see your “what if” questions in the comments. Even better, I’d love to see a BIG “what if” that you can use as leverage over the smaller ones. Don’t be afraid of the question “what if I share?”

  • Kaylane

    What if our parents read this blog and seek conservatorship over our lives because they think we’ve lost our ever-loving minds!!! :)

    Love you babe – great post!

    • http://www.HeroicDestiny.com David Crandall

      I’m going to guess that they may not have thought about that.

      What if they do now?!

  • http://www.joshcrocker.com Josh

    Maybe your parents won’t think you’re so crazy because they’ll see others who think the same way :)

    Here’s some big fears:

    - What if I succeed at something that doesn’t really matter?
    - What if I really succeed at something that DOES matter?
    - What if I try what you’re suggesting?

    and lastly…

    - Bungee jumping (this really terrifies me, which means I’ll probably end up doing it in the next 2 years)

    Thanks for the shout out brother :) Here for you whenever (and for whatever) you need.

    - JC

    • http://www.HeroicDestiny.com David Crandall

      Honestly, I can’t imagine our parents thinking I’m any more crazy than they already do. :)

      Similar to bungee jumping, I have a desire and a fear of sky diving. Not sure I’ll be in doing it within 2 years, but I feel I need to at some point.

      Great What ifs!

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  • http://french-footprints.com Amanda Lee

    What if I do finally write the books I want to write, and nobody wants to publish them?
    What if I do finally write the books I want to write, get them published, and am required to do book tours because of contract obligations?
    What if I do put paint to canvas and it’s crap?
    What if I put paint to canvas, it’s wonderful, but I can never duplicate my success?
    What if I never manage to lose the extra pounds to be healthy and happy?
    What if my hands become so contorted with arthritis I can no longer type, paint or draw?
    What if David really wishes I would stop posting on his blog? (:D)

    • http://www.HeroicDestiny.com David Crandall

      I can assure you that at least the last one is no where close to coming true! :)

      Have you thought about taking smaller steps? Instead of writing a book, try a page? Instead of a canvas, something smaller? I’m curious if that might help.

  • http://french-footprints.com Amanda Lee

    I’ve done all the smaller steps with painting, the final hurdle is canvas. And the strange part is, I’ve done canvas’ before, but they all are crap, hence the fear. But I’m taking a different approach that may improve my product.

    As for writing, I’ve even narrowed it down to a paragraph or a sentence, and it just doesn’t work. I have so many stories in my head, yet I can’t decide (know, guess) which one the reading public may want to hear. I think I’m going to have to start with something NOT intended for publication, like an autobiography or biblical study just to get myself into the swing. I also need to change the books I’m reading to improve my inspiration. But even after all that, there is still the ‘what if it’s crap’ question.

    Thank you so much for allowing me to kind of hash out my ideas here with you and your family and friends! I think introspection is an important part of changing and improving ourselves, regardless of personal goals, and I adore having intelligent people with whom to bounce things around (unlike hubby who just grunts or the kids who just don’t get it)!

    • http://www.HeroicDestiny.com David Crandall

      Have you thought about giving yourself the license of letting it be crap? Sometimes just the act of creating even less than perfect works can inspire something that you ARE proud of.

      I actually wrote a post on that very thing last week here just because it IS such a paralyzing thing wanting to create the perfect work of art. Logically, it is a gigantic long shot to think that our first attempts will be the best ones. I wrote that article specifically to myself as a license for even taking on this endeavor. My hope is that others will benefit from it too. :)

      Along that line of thought, does that months down the road when I look back at these posts, I’m going to think they are crap? LOL Grunt grunt.

  • http://www.intentionalinfluence.wordpress.com Timothy Morris

    What if I do not make this change in my life? Where will I be in 10 years? Where will my family be?

    Turn them around and ask them the other direction.

    What if I do not make the change, where will my relationship with my 8 month old son be when he is 10? That is significantly different is it not?

    While the What if question has been very beneficial to help me idenify my fears, changing the perspective of the WHAT IF? Question helps me calculate and wiegh the fear and the reward.

    Perspective changes things. From our conversations I think you would agree.

    Looking forward to reading more. Thanks.

    • http://www.HeroicDestiny.com David Crandall

      Timothy, this is a really good point that you make. Putting the focus on the people and things that are most important and then imagining the scenarios that would play out based on your choices is powerful!

      You are right, perspective does change everything. Thank you for your insightful comment!

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  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/alyssafilmmaker/ Alyssa Miller

    David -
    I am honored that you chose to use my photography for this article– if I can repay your acknowledgment of my own work, then I will do so with certainty:

    “The cure for fear’s greatest weapon,” beautifully conveys with words the very essence and stark truths which served as the inspiration for this picture– and because of that, I can feel certain about the importance of what I did. Thank you for making this a real work of art.

    I’d love to stay updated with your blogs! Great mind.

    Best,
    Alyssa

    • http://www.HeroicDestiny.com David Crandall

      Alyssa, that might be one of the most gracious responses I’ve seen! Thank you so much for the kind words. I looked at the rest of your pictures and love them. I just subscribed to your photostream on Flickr and encourage others to do so too!

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