You’re not perfect…and that’s great!

August 2, 2010 by David Crandall | 15 Comments

The problem with waiting for perfection
We all have this idea in our head of the perfect version of ourselves. They’re suave, they’re cool. That perfect version walks in to a room and everyone notices. They tell the perfect stories and everyone hangs on every word until the end when they all give a good laugh at the punchline. Our perfect self has a big house and drives a red sports car (or giant, lifted truck). Our perfect self has it ALL together and everyone knows it.

Our perfect self doesn’t exist. Chances are, they never will.

That’s a problem if we are waiting for our perfect self to come along before acting on our dreams.

My imperfect nose
I have a deviated septum. I’m sure that everyone else thinks my nose looks fine for the most part, but one nostril is a little smaller than the other. It also affects my smile and one side goes up about 2 millimeters higher than the other side. I hate it. I always feel like I’m smiling crooked or that shorter people (almost everyone since I’m 6’5″) is looking at my mismatched nostrils.

Every time I look in the mirror, I see my oddly shaped nose. I feel like my crooked smile is blaring out on every single picture where someone has convinced me to smile instead of taking a mug shot. I scrutinize every single photo of myself and think how awful it must look.

Truth is, no one really cares about nostril symmetry (certainly not enough to notice my lack thereof).

Truth is, people prefer me to smile than glare at them (remember, I’m 6’5″…you want us people to smile).

Bottom line: no one cares about any of those imperfections (no one but me, that is).

I need to just live with them.

Family portraits
My wife decided that we needed family portraits this weekend. Bah! That meant that my crooked nose and smile were going to be immortalized yet again.

Saturday was portrait day. We went to one of those places that shows you the proofs immediately after (that’s how we roll). I saw my nostril asymmetry in every single photo. Funny thing is, my wife didn’t care about that at all. Rather she was focused on some imaginary problem with her always perfect hair.

I decided to try a different strategy. I told her she was allowed to critique me and I would critique her. The process went much smoother since neither of us saw any problems with the other.

Today when we showed people the pictures, no one noticed crooked noses, smiles, or imperfect hair.

Why? Because no criticizes you like you criticize yourself.

Are you waiting for perfection?
If so, it’s not going to come. Sorry. It’s just not.

You need a different strategy. You need to work with your imperfections. You need to accept that your nose won’t be perfect, that your hair may look a bit “poofy”, or that your writing style may not be best-selling-author just yet. (Oops! Did I let another self criticism sneak in?)

Instead, focus on showing up and delivering.

And if you’re really concerned that you are so hideous that you can’t stand it…ask someone else for their advice. Don’t tell them what to look for, just ask them what they see. If they don’t even notice it, is it really that big of a deal?

Stop waiting to be perfect before chasing your dreams.

Wilson@wilsonusman

Dude gotta be honest David…

That’s actually the first thing I noticed of you when I found your blog. I was like “wow dude nose is….so…!”

Lol just messing with you…

I can’t remember exactly what Jason Fried says but mentioned something about just starting and correcting as we move along.

Absolutely agree with you… Stop waiting for that perfect time, magic dust, and just grab it…ship it baby!!!

http://www.HeroicDestiny.com David Crandall

I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT WASN’T PARANOIA!! Everyone is pointing and laughing and talking about me.

I am all about the start and correct as you go method. In fact, I’m positive that had I not taken that approach, I’d still be trying to figure it out with nothing to show for it.

Good thing I’ve got everything figured out now. o_O

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http://www.intentionalinfluence.wordpress.com Timothy Morris

I love this point. On my site this is the first of the Tenets I practice. I call it “always toward excellence.” The reality is that not many of us ever reach excellence, I mean like unadulterated excellence where it is completely excellent and you could not improve one thing in any aspect whatsoever. My goal is that that is the direction I am heading. I know you are too. That is what makes it so much fun. Lets be honest – if one of us were perfect, then we would not be friends. I need your help but what makes it so much fun is the mutuality of it. We need each other. Some call it a never ending torment, always needing something else.

I call it LIFE. And what an adventure it is!!! I look forward to living it with friends like you.

Thanks man. Talk with you soon.

http://www.HeroicDestiny.com David Crandall

LIFE is right! While I strive for perfection, I know it is unattainable in our current situation. I think some people become frustrated that complete perfection is impossible to grasp, but I love the adventure of constantly moving closer to it. I need something bigger than myself and my current circumstances if I’m going to remain interested long term!

And I also love living that adventure surrounded by others who view it as such!

http://novapages.com velda

Crooked noses for the win! I busted mine when I was a kid and it’s never been the same. I have a big bump on it, which makes the bottom part look bigger too, and then I’ve got a crooked smile to boot (also a result of an unfortunate skateboarding incident). One of my teeth never grew in, no doubt damaged by the knock so hard I couldn’t see for ten minutes. I have a small mouth, so all of my other teeth were happily obliged to move over, and I ended up with an off-center smile. I hated that for years until I realized Tom Cruise in his youth had the very same off-centeredness, and lots of people still loved his smile. (He got it fixed later )

Maybe someday I’ll get it fixed so it’s easier to breathe, but I don’t think my kids would approve. As my little Mary often says, “Wow, you’ve got a REALLY BIG NOSE, Mom! But I think your big nose and your zits and frizzy hair are all beautiful.”

http://www.HeroicDestiny.com David Crandall

Crooked noses for the win, indeed! I’m also missing teeth, but thankfully they are to the side so no one ever notices until I point it out. I can put my pinky finger in my mouth, bite down so that my mouth is completely closed, and still have my pinky finger in my mouth. Now THAT is talent!!

Don’t you love when the kids point out the things you most obsess about? Ha! I love that they find those things beautiful and not how we view them. It’s almost like Someone else is sending us a message with their words.
http://novapages.com velda

I recall a story, that probably is ONLY a story, of how one of Michaelangelo’s understudies always did his figures with broken noses, because in them he saw the perfection of his master. I tried to find that story and couldn’t, so it probably isn’t true. But it would be cool if it were :-p

http://wilsonusman.com wilson@wilsonusman

Hey I think people with funny noses have more success…LOL I have a BIGGGGGG one…

You guys have crooked…

I don’t know I’m going to have to do some research on this…LOLL

http://www.HeroicDestiny.com David Crandall

I’m so happy! I never knew there were so many of us nose-conscious people.

http://www.ricardobueno.com Ricardo Bueno

Re: “Instead, focus on showing up and delivering.”

I like that line. The best you can do is give something your 1,000% effort. Give your absolute best. It may not be perfect (it never will be). But the fact that you gave it your all, counts for a lot. You stress out a whole lot less when you know that things will never be perfect but you sure did give it your best effort.
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Kaylane

For your information I had several people ask me what was up with my hair.

Kidding.

Love you! I married you for your nose.

http://www.HeroicDestiny.com David Crandall

You always look amazing!!!

I love you. You know I married you for your looks.

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